Post 6 - An open letter to teenagers

Hello or as you call it whaaatsup,

I am pretty sure you won't get to read this unless and until someone will post this on Facebook via Bitstrips. Hoping somebody does that. I must admit how much I admire you people for your sheer ability to change your display pictures thrice a day on every social network. By display pictures I mean DP, for better understanding. It's a proven fact that nobody can make their DP look cooler than teenagers. Your DPs are like leading ladies of soap operas - always behind shitload of cosmetics. If an alien had to judge us based on teenage profile pictures then I am sure he would conclude that this planet is one big Sunburn festival. Also, they would think every teenager is an illegitimate child of Curtly Ambrose's pout. Dude, what's with the pout? I mean even PV Narsimha Rao had one, but trust me that didn't make him any hotter. I hope you know that every time you pout, your lips walk a mile ahead of you, and that makes them look like as if they have an erection. Trust me some of those pouts need a two-piece of their own.

Curtly Ambrose, aka teenage pout.

I also admire you for the unique lexicon you have invented over the years. The best of them all is the coinage of the word - awwww. Nobody had thought that the answer to every problem in the world isn't 42, as Douglas Adams would like us to believe, instead it's 'awww.' For instance, Question: Hey, do you love me? Answer: Awwww. Question: Hey, don't you love me? Answer: Awww. Question: How much wood, would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Answer: Awww. Most of the times ‘Aww’ makes so much sense that you start wondering how come nobody else thought of it earlier?

That's the most intelligent statement a teenager has ever said, online or offline.

Everyone makes fun of your punctuations and spellings, but little did these ignorant fools know about your contribution to the rich day-to-day language we all speak. Here are some of the teenage lingos or as they call it #ShitTeenagersSay

Chill: Teenagers are always chilling. They chill more than K2 (the second highest mountain on Earth) ever could during peak winters. You take a teenager to Ethiopia and expect them to even chill there.

Epic: as we all know means anything that surpasses the ordinary. In a teenager's world everything surpasses the ordinary, hence everything is epic. For instance, Hey I just woke up and I feel so epic. Dude, I downloaded Games of Throne via Torrents, and trust me it's an epic series. Hey, it's epic how much I can eat. Hey, that epic is so epic na?

Dude: In teenagers' world everyone is a dude. For example, Look at that dude, he's so shady *points at a Banyan tree*

Bitch: Anything, but a female dog.

Whatever: Like awww is the answer to every problem in the world, whatever is the answer to anything that you don't understand, basically everything in the world. Question: Why Sun rises from the East? Answer: Whatever. Question: Hey, where do yo see yourself five years from now? Answer: Whatever!

Answer to all problems in the world.

Wicked: isn't morally bad, as you ignorant laureates would think, it means 'very'. Hey, check out ma wicked cool hairdo!

Your mum: is the reaction to every abuse in the world. For instance, Abuse: Hey midget, nigga, whitetrash. Reaction: Your mum.  

Random: This random teenage lexicon can't be complete without the word 'random'. Random is often used as an adjective to define an attribute of everything in the universe. For instance, Dude, we are so random. We cracked these random jokes and then laughed so randomly as other random people stood randomly amused.

In short, I love you guys. Without you this world would be such a Duh! place. If you think I have missed out on something relevant, kindly comment. It wasn't done on purpose, it was purely random.

 

Regards, as you know it muah!

Anoop Chugh