Post 6 - An open letter to teenagers

Hello or as you call it whaaatsup,

I am pretty sure you won't get to read this unless and until someone will post this on Facebook via Bitstrips. Hoping somebody does that. I must admit how much I admire you people for your sheer ability to change your display pictures thrice a day on every social network. By display pictures I mean DP, for better understanding. It's a proven fact that nobody can make their DP look cooler than teenagers. Your DPs are like leading ladies of soap operas - always behind shitload of cosmetics. If an alien had to judge us based on teenage profile pictures then I am sure he would conclude that this planet is one big Sunburn festival. Also, they would think every teenager is an illegitimate child of Curtly Ambrose's pout. Dude, what's with the pout? I mean even PV Narsimha Rao had one, but trust me that didn't make him any hotter. I hope you know that every time you pout, your lips walk a mile ahead of you, and that makes them look like as if they have an erection. Trust me some of those pouts need a two-piece of their own.

Curtly Ambrose, aka teenage pout.

I also admire you for the unique lexicon you have invented over the years. The best of them all is the coinage of the word - awwww. Nobody had thought that the answer to every problem in the world isn't 42, as Douglas Adams would like us to believe, instead it's 'awww.' For instance, Question: Hey, do you love me? Answer: Awwww. Question: Hey, don't you love me? Answer: Awww. Question: How much wood, would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood? Answer: Awww. Most of the times ‘Aww’ makes so much sense that you start wondering how come nobody else thought of it earlier?

That's the most intelligent statement a teenager has ever said, online or offline.

Everyone makes fun of your punctuations and spellings, but little did these ignorant fools know about your contribution to the rich day-to-day language we all speak. Here are some of the teenage lingos or as they call it #ShitTeenagersSay

Chill: Teenagers are always chilling. They chill more than K2 (the second highest mountain on Earth) ever could during peak winters. You take a teenager to Ethiopia and expect them to even chill there.

Epic: as we all know means anything that surpasses the ordinary. In a teenager's world everything surpasses the ordinary, hence everything is epic. For instance, Hey I just woke up and I feel so epic. Dude, I downloaded Games of Throne via Torrents, and trust me it's an epic series. Hey, it's epic how much I can eat. Hey, that epic is so epic na?

Dude: In teenagers' world everyone is a dude. For example, Look at that dude, he's so shady *points at a Banyan tree*

Bitch: Anything, but a female dog.

Whatever: Like awww is the answer to every problem in the world, whatever is the answer to anything that you don't understand, basically everything in the world. Question: Why Sun rises from the East? Answer: Whatever. Question: Hey, where do yo see yourself five years from now? Answer: Whatever!

Answer to all problems in the world.

Wicked: isn't morally bad, as you ignorant laureates would think, it means 'very'. Hey, check out ma wicked cool hairdo!

Your mum: is the reaction to every abuse in the world. For instance, Abuse: Hey midget, nigga, whitetrash. Reaction: Your mum.  

Random: This random teenage lexicon can't be complete without the word 'random'. Random is often used as an adjective to define an attribute of everything in the universe. For instance, Dude, we are so random. We cracked these random jokes and then laughed so randomly as other random people stood randomly amused.

In short, I love you guys. Without you this world would be such a Duh! place. If you think I have missed out on something relevant, kindly comment. It wasn't done on purpose, it was purely random.

 

Regards, as you know it muah!

Anoop Chugh

 

Post 5 - Pushkar: Yoga, Hummus, joints and trance.

Like every other Hindu religious town of India, even Pushkar is all about bathing in open, smoking pot, eating Falafel with Hammas, and taking pictures. Considered one of the oldest towns of India, Pushkar was founded by Lord Brahma, the real estate tycoon of mythological era. Let's call him DLF bhagwan. Little did he know what he thought was an appropriate place for Mahayagna would turn into a cheap-getaway for hippies from all over the world some hundred centuries later. Honestly, DLF ji could have chosen a better location for his Mahayagna say Ambergris Caye, Santorini, Bora Bora or Isle of Man, but he chose humid and sultry Pushkar. Obviously, travelling wasn't his forte. Or, may be, he thought smuggling Afghanistan opium into Pushkar would be much easier than say Bora Bora. Fair enough.

Lord Brahma's view of Pushkar

  
One reason why Pushkar is so popular among broke foreign tourists is the low cost of living. One can rent a dingy hotel room with a lake view for around Rs 5000-a-month. (In dollars, it is so less that it's not even worth converting). The market area is flooded with Lebanese cafes. Eating vegetarian-only Lebanese food in Pushkar makes you brood over the evolution of mankind from hunting. According to an unreliable study, Pushkar consumes more Hummus than Middle East, Turkey, North Africa, Morocco, and Middle East put together. Though, another study shows that the guy who did the 'Hummus study' on Pushkar was stoned on smuggled opium that he bought at exorbitant rates from Pink Floyd Cafe. In fact, the name 'Pushkar' refers to the art of pushing weed into rolling paper joints. Pushkar market is also known for its hand-made leather products and other Rajasthani handicraft. Most shopkeepers in the market think they can speak English. If 'Hello, how are you?" can be considered 99% of the Queen's language, then surely most shopkeepers can dazzle with their facile tongue.
 

Evening jam outside Sunset cafe.

Everyone in Pushkar is a musician. Some of them are bloody good at that. The ghat opposite Sunset cafe (one of the 52 ghats that Pushkar boasts of) is known for its unpretentious evening jams featuring local Rajasthani musicians and anyone with an instrument. However, many of the innumerable road side cafes in the Pushkar market are known for their bad taste in religious trance, which is often sold to hippies as a shortcut to salvation. So, when these hippies aren't consuming Hummus with Pita, and attending Yoga shivir by quacks, they are often seen grooving to 'Govinda Jaaya Jaaya' (in American accent) at Sunset cafe.
 
The best time to travel Pushkar is anytime when Pushkar mela is not on. There's no best time to travel Pushkar if you are an Indian. You will be treated like shit by locals who prefer hosting fair, hot-legged, tall firangs instead.